finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
