you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
