it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Randomize
