Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
