i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
