you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
