Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize