He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
