all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
