so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
