So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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