I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
