omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
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