He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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