We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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