whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
