I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
