it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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