Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
home. puking in laundry basket.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
