There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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