The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
