i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
