apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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