I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He felt like a one man threesome
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
