trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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