Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
