she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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