Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
