Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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