Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
