Whod you bang
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
