Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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