I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
