I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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