Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
