The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
