I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
