woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
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