Sry I called you an 8
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I am naked and annoyed.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
