I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
