So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
