I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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