I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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