he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
