come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
