woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
