I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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