Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
