apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
