remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
