U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
