So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
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