this beer tastes like vomit already
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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