I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize