I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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