Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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