also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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