I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
