I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
