I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
