Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
