Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
