No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize