I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
