This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
