Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize