smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
