omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
