Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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