Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
