I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
