mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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