can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
