I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize