we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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